You're a warrior, child.

The waiting, the trusting, the stuck-in-the-middle-with-you time can be a grueling experience for many of us. This year has been a year of profound re-evaluation, rest, uncertainty, and recalibration to almost everyone I’ve encountered. Some have been faced with surprise changes, others (like us) were prepared for major change, and then told to hurry up, get ready and then denied.

Many of you know that right now, we are unable to get back into Thailand due to the borders closing due to the global pandemic. Half of our things are there. Our cats are there. And life here is on schedule for major change coming next month (our lease expires, jobs are expecting us to leave, do we sell our stuff or nah?) The truth is, we’re being told we don’t know when we will be able to re-enter the country. So, we continue to fast, pray, praise and wait.

The planner in me is learning to rest. The discerner in me is learning to refocus and enjoy the little picture for a while. The woman in me is learning to be more vulnerable. The child in me is learning to trust. In it all we are learning to pray. Through it all, we purpose to praise. But there are days, in learning, I don’t get it right. There are days, when I have to check my attitude because I secretly despise the process. There are days, I keep my mouth shut and say encouraging things, while my heart is racing in my chest from the uncertainty. There are days I feel more like a child than a confident woman warrior.

There is an old Twila Paris song from 1984 called Warrior Is A Child. For some reason, it has been my internal sound track the last couple of days, that goes (in part) like this:

Unafraid because His armor is the best

But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest

People say that I'm amazing

Never face retreat

But they don't see the enemies

that lay me at His feet

They don't know...

that I go running home when I fall down

They don't know...

Who picks me up when no one is around

I drop my sword and cry for just a while

'Cause deep inside this armor

the warrior is a child

It’s OK, sometimes to remember that we may be wounded, we may be fierce, or we may not even know how to fight… but we must also remember that we are also children of God, and He’s not offended on the days we go to him like a child. The key is to continue to go to Him - like a child.

~Misty